Billy Kenny says he found 'peace' only in prison as ex-Everton midfielder recounts addiction and club fallout

Billy Kenny, the former Everton midfielder, told the Guardian in Liverpool on a September afternoon that "the only time I’ve had peace in my life was when I was locked up" and spoke about his struggles with drink, drugs and depression ahead of the publication of his memoir.

Kenny, once one of England’s most highly rated teenagers and dubbed "the Goodison Gazza" by teammate Peter Beardsley, described how interest from Manchester United, Liverpool and Everton gave way to a brief burst of first-team promise at Everton, most notably a man-of-the-match display against Liverpool in December 1992. He played once for England’s under-21s in March 1993 and made 23 appearances for Everton before a cocaine habit, discovered in the early hours after his greatest game when he had just turned 19, led to his retirement from professional football two years later; he also played four times for Oldham and twice for Barrow.

Kenny described a culture of heavy drinking around the Everton first team under Howard Kendall, saying: "I ended up being a product of Howard Kendall’s environment" and adding that "for years and years I carried all the blame, but there was no help at all." He recounted being encouraged to drink at Sefton, pressured by senior players to have a shandy, and recalled wearing a pint of blackcurrant and lemonade to fit in, while describing away-day routines that began with "crates of lager and chablis" and a coach visit to the Paradox nightclub.

He set out how injuries and managerial messaging compounded the problem, recalling an ankle injury after an away win at Wimbledon in January 1993 and being told by Kendall that "You’ll feel much better after a couple of drinks, lad." Five months later, he wrote, he had fallen into cocaine and ecstasy use, which fed "three-day benders", absences from training and a drift away from football as he came to prefer "the drugs, the birds and the music".

On attempts at treatment and transfers, Kenny said Everton sent him to the Priory in Cheshire for two months but that he could not relate to group therapy with much older alcoholics; he added that Colin Harvey and Paul Power visited him daily but that the club were "only doing that to sell me." He also claimed Manchester City tried to sign him but Everton demanded a £1m fee, and that a deal with Oldham left him without a signing-on fee because, in his view, the club had acted behind his back.

Kenny outlined his descent into criminal sentences and eventual recovery, saying he was jailed for nine months — six for drink-driving and three for missing the original trial — of which he served five months, and that he later avoided a 14-month term after being linked to cannabis at his house when he was away, receiving a suspended sentence from a judge he said was an Evertonian. He told the Guardian "I’m clean now" and said he stopped drinking and taking drugs the day of his mother’s funeral, adding that his mother died 15 years ago and that coming off substances at her wake was pivotal: "I came off the drugs the day of her funeral and she’s given me the strength to stay sober."

Kenny described ongoing mental-health struggles and a changed relationship with his former club: he said he still experiences depression but now has "three or four good days a week" and criticised what he views as the club’s failure to support him, calling some ex-players "manufactured Evertonians" after attending the Chelsea game last season. His book, written with Guardian journalist Jamie Fahey who grew up on the same Liverpool streets, is scheduled to be published by Reach on 8 October.

The Goodison Gazza is published by Reach on 8 October; to support the Guardian, order a copy at guardianbookshop.com (delivery charges may apply). For readers seeking help, the article lists UK mental-health contacts: Mind on 0300 123 3393 and Childline on 0800 1111, US support via Mental Health America at 988 or chat 988lifeline.org, and Australian services Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14 and MensLine on 1300 789 978.